April 06, 2011

I chopped my hair and other lies

No sooner did I get our silly April sidebar pictures up, then my photo went out of date!  Oh well, waddya gonna do?

I felt inspired to chop it off on one seemingly peaceful afternoon.  Champ came home that night to my new 'do and some rogue scarlet hairs in the bathroom sink.  Ahh, personal spring cleaning at it's best.

Another little thing I haven't mentioned: I no longer work at the bookstore.  That was a hard one to give up, but it was right.

I believe in the Holy Spirit.  I believe God places signs in my life as mile markers for roads that diverge and choices I must make.  In the end, I get to make the decision, but there are always hints and nudges along the way.  

I began working at the bookstore last Spring and had no idea that two weeks later my beloved college English professor, Joyce Hinnefeld, was scheduled to walk into my life and present her new novel to a gathering of the community.  Dr. Hinnefeld was THAT professor in college; the one I always turned to for advice both literary or not.  The encourager, challenger and open-armed Muse.  Over the course of 4 years with a culminating independent study, she was the one who taught me to confidently refer to myself as a poet.  I owe her much.  Ever so much.

The flyer announcing her visit was posted just days after I started my job and I knelt right down in that bookstore elevator and said a prayer of gratitude.  She was coming and I knew I was where I was supposed to be.

That day.  That day when Dr. Hinnefeld came up the children's floor steps-recognizing and encircling me in her embrace- is forever translated through all the languages of my mind.  I had the honor of introducing her to the crowd and the ever more selfish luxury of time spent discussing poetry, sharing our life stories and filling in the blanks of the past 13 years.  With that as a send off, my bookstore job continued to build magically upon itself.

Spring, summer.  Fall in to winter and suddenly the Spirit reappeared and whispered gently that my time was up.  Oh how I protested.  I could see the road laid out before me, the mile marker filled, but I tenaciously clung to those bookshelves.  In the end, I finally chose to believe and as difficult as it was, said my teary goodbyes and turned toward my newest path. 

Certainly there is a part two to this story and it's one that makes such sense in hindsight.  For now though, I leave it at this: there is no hindsight in the present tense, no true predicting of our futures.  It's a hard scramble, guessing game struggle, but it's laced with insurmountable joy.

                               (Trot decides to read my Bible)

This most recent season of my life I chose to believe.  I closed my eyes, held His hand and jumped.  The best part?  I lived to tell about it and now my voice is that much stronger.


The Keierleber Characters said...

Oh, can't wait for part two! :) And, I am considering chopping my hair. Ah! SO scared! lol

Jess said...

Okay, with as heavy as this post is I must apologize for pulling this out of it: The few rogue hairs in the sink mean you whipped out a scissors and did the job allbyyourself, yes? We, my friend, are kindred spirits.

Faith and trust. You are on the right path. Unfortunately, it's only in hindsight that it becomes so clear. :)

blueviolet said...

I knew you were happy there, so I am sure that the tug and whispers from God were there for a very good reason. I am anxious to know what comes next. :)

Amy said...

I want pictures of the new do, especially since you did it yourself! Totally impressed. I've done my own bangs, but nver a hair cut.

Some day I'll learn to hear/see the signs pointing me to the right direction. I believe that they are there, some of us(me) just don't always see them. I too can't wait to hear more!

Winn (aka Koreen) said...

Oh, I can't wait to read "the next part". There is no end, no finish. It goes on and on and that's the best part, right?

Julie said...

I am ready to hear the next part too. Hope it is more than you could ever hope for.

Emmy said...

Yes loking back someday I am sure you will see why but in the moment all we can do is trust.

Colleen said...

I'm sorry you had to give up the book store job, but I know that there are wonderful things ahead that will be far better than any job... like a new camera! ;)

Michelle DeRusha@Graceful said...

Oh TJ, there is so much I LOVE about this post. I love that you cut your hair yourself (seriously?). I love that you were reconnected with your former English professor -- what a dream that is! I love that you knelt in thanks right in the bookstore elevator! I love that you heard the voic of the spirit nudging you to the next step...and I love that you listened, even though you may not exactly have wanted to. And I love that there is a Part Two (and three, and four...) -- do you know what it is yet??? Or is Part Two yet to unfold?

And that last paragraph...I had tears.

Chic Homeschool Mama said...

It's always fun to try a new haircut. Congrats!

Joey @ Big Teeth and Clouds said...

I'm very comforted to feel that gentle push of God's hand directing me through life. What a great story about you and your college professor!

Kate said...

Wait. What's Part 2? TELL US PART 2.

I love how much you loved working at the bookstore, because I can identify with the comfort you get being surrounded by books and the people who truly, completely love them.

May this spring be a happy one for you.

Emily said...

I love the feeling of knowing I am exactly where I am supposed to be at an exact moment in time. It is such a great reminder that I can't plan everything - thankgoodness!

I also love that you still adore your college professor. I always thought that amazing college experiences would feel less amazing with time (especially the ones where professors bestow wisdom) but I'm actually finding the opposite - I cherish those clarifying moments more as time passes. I'm glad I am not alone in that!

Lady Jennie said...

It is so great to reconnect with people who inspire you. And it's true, most of our choices God makes crystal clear.

I like your new do.

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