It is a hard thing to deal with, this hard nosed confronter, death.
Our human friend A, died just days ago and I mourn her loss. I mourn for those she leaves behind. I know full well she no longer need endure pain and suffering here on Earth; she is at peace.
My Sterling, my full of personality, savvy and independent canine side kick since college has also passed on. Yesterday afternoon we helped her find her way to Heaven (yes Heaven, don't tell me dogs don't have souls).
It's all I can do to even write just that. The guilt I carry for mourning my dog's death as heartily (if not more) as I've cried over A. This is where stratification get cloudy. This is where my all encompassing heart knows no boundaries, but I reassure myself that of all people, A would understand. She had that kind of heart too.
There are crutches to help us earthbound through. Faith, a course of life to be celebrated, photos, blessed photos and memories thickly attached. Even the broader sweep of understanding that everything from the Earth must return back to it, the circle of life, the gained courage in letting our loved ones go...
I do see the beauty and mercy in it all and in a while I will gather up my pluck, but for today that warm, bathing light of understanding is mostly over there and I am still here, in grief.
To live in this world
you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.
~In Blackwater Woods, Mary Oliver
I discovered Mary Oliver the same year Sterling Moss came in to my life. Old girl, 16 and a half years is a life well lived. Oh how I miss you even as I know it was right and just to let you move on. My love for you is unending. Amen and Amen.