March 01, 2012

Amen and Amen

                                                (3 weeks ago)

It is a hard thing to deal with, this hard nosed confronter, death. 

Our human friend A, died just days ago and I mourn her loss.  I mourn for those she leaves behind.  I know full well she no longer need endure pain and suffering here on Earth; she is at peace.


My Sterling, my full of personality, savvy and independent canine side kick since college has also passed on.  Yesterday afternoon we helped her find her way to Heaven (yes Heaven, don't tell me dogs don't have souls).

It's all I can do to even write just that.  The guilt I carry for mourning my dog's death as heartily (if not more) as I've cried over A.  This is where stratification get cloudy.  This is where my all encompassing heart knows no boundaries, but I reassure myself that of all people, A would understand.  She had that kind of heart too.



There are crutches to help us earthbound through.  Faith, a course of life to be celebrated, photos, blessed photos and memories thickly attached.  Even the broader sweep of understanding that everything from the Earth must return back to it, the circle of life, the gained courage in letting our loved ones go...

I do see the beauty and mercy in it all and in a while I will gather up my pluck, but for today that warm, bathing light of understanding is mostly over there and I am still here, in grief.

To live in this world 
you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go.
~In Blackwater Woods, Mary Oliver

I discovered Mary Oliver the same year Sterling Moss came in to my life.  Old girl, 16 and a half years is a life well lived.  Oh how I miss you even as I know it was right and just to let you move on.  My love for you is unending.  Amen and Amen.

16 comments:

koreen (aka: winn) said...

Don't ever have about guilt about grieving for a pet... we cherish the hearts and souls closest to us, and there can be very few souls closer than a beloved pet. We honor them with that. (((hugs)))

The Keierleber Characters said...

In tears for you!

My sister was killed in a car accident 5.5 years ago. I always assumed that if I lost my dog and mourned him strongly my mom would be mad, "how could I mourn him so deeply?" etc

A year ago one of her dogs was hit by a car, (right in front of her- literally- like feet away), and she called me hysterical!

As hard as that was, I am thankful to know that if something happened to my dog she wouldn't think badly of me for mourning him so deeply since she did the same for her dog.

Pain is pain. Loss is loss. Hugs!

Jess said...

We can't control our emotions, and I think, that's part of what makes them so powerful. What you feel is real, and being honest about that nothing to feel guilty about. BIG hugs to you, my friend!

nadine said...

So sorry to read this. Sending lots of hugs to all 4 of you from the old hometown. I know bunches of friends who have welcomed her into that special mansion in heaven. May you find comfort and peace . . . .

Pam said...

Sending thoughts your way , , , the book Dog Heaven, by Cynthia Rylant, of course . . .

Kate said...

Oh TJ, so much sadness going on with you...mourning your friend and your faithful sidekick Sterling. I totally believe I will see my friends and all my dear dogs in heaven. Friends, both human and canine, show us something of God's love and faithfulness toward us. You are truly blessed even though you may not feel like it at the moment. Hugs and grace!

Mrs. Bird said...

I am so sorry, TJ. I know your pain is real and genuine. Thinking of you!

Caroline (Frogmum) said...

Sorry to hear your sad news (x2) ~ ((hugs)) are heading your way :(. Much love. xx

Mama Zen said...

I'm so sorry for your losses. And, there is not a doubt in my mind that dogs have souls.

tattytiara said...

Grief is about the loss, not that which is lost. That's why we grieve individuals we know harder than we do entire populations in times of disaster. The individuals are something we had and lost, the populations were never personal to us. Sterling was, I'm very sure, a huge and overwhelmingly positive part of your life. Of course you're going to grieve the loss of her as much as you are a person, her contribution to your happiness was just as great! And A sounds like she was a wonderful person indeed to have been able to understand that. Both of them were blessed to have had your love.

Aimee said...

TJ, I am so sorry for your recent losses. No one can judge you for feeling so deeply and caring so much - it is right to do so. I hope you can find some peace in the coming days.

Emily said...

My heart goes out to you as you grieve two significant losses, two souls you loved. Two souls you will always love. The bodies that carried those souls are just matters of technicality, I think. Sending you love and hugs.

Leslie said...

i am so sad for you....i wish i could give you a hug or something. just know that i am thinking of you and saying a prayer.

Lady Jennie said...

My friend mourned her dog's death more than her father's (they had sort of an estranged relationship). I don't have a dog but I do know how special they are.

Emmy said...

Oh TJ- so sorry there is so much at once.

Jennifer said...

Ooooooooo : (
I need to read more often
Erling! Hugs to you and the other Weirkerts
Xoxo

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